STEADY AND RAGING :: THE BEAUTY OF PARADOX

Colleen's picture
This past year was a raging, and beautiful extreme. I traveled to faraway places and returned unchanged.  I traveled inward and experienced meaningful change. Meditation and purpose help me to navigate extremes, diet yes, Yoga helps, but meditation and a sense of purpose are the anchors for everything. What has come to be described as a Yoga practice is nothing but a tool among the many tools that I practice with. Yoga is an aid to realizing purpose, an aid to maintaining health and well being, an aid for being in relationship. Yoga is not a marker of worth, a market place, or a place for self-aggrandizement. True north is a sober and direct experience, my Yoga practice, at times, makes me more available for the true north experience.
 
Yoga helped me get to where I am now, steady and available. Far from perfect, but perfectly unified, integrated shadow parts and fewer illusions. Not always making the exact right choice, sometimes too tired to fight. At times, I still forget to create enough spaciousness, to feel into the essence, in order to uncover the better question. We call that moving too fast. Sometimes not listening and fighting or pushing.  Sometimes scared as hell.  Doesn't this describe you as well?
 
In meditation, I can feel the puppet strings that are attached to me.  I can welcome the fractured self; the actor, the conditioned self, the pleaser, the avoider of conflict, the suddenly aggressively flaring self, the shamed child, the correct one, the cool chic, the constructed story self, the fear filled unloved self, the concerned parent. All these selves can be loved and invited to the dialogue of self.  The mat allows for the mental space to hear them. The cushion allows for the intimate conversation with them.  
 
Who is that yelling self? What is she afraid of? Isn't there something so beautiful about living fiercely?  
 
Chogyam Trungpa tells of the story of Marpa who's son has died:
 
This was of course tragic and disheartening for Marpa, in spite of all his understanding of impermanence.
One of Marpa's students mentioned that Marpa had told them that everything is illusion, that there is no substance in anything. "You used to tell us that there is no point in worrying about things. But now that this trouble has come, you seem really upset. How is this possible?" Marpa replied, "My son's death is illusion, but it is wild illusion, super illusion. It is quite different from ordinary stupid illusions. It's a great illusion."
~Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, An Element of Unreasonability
What are the super illusions that hold onto you still?
 
lift the veil
by 

Kabir

lift the veil
that obscures
the heart
and there
you will find
what you are
looking for
With Gratitude,
Colleen Lila